You’ve probably heard of energy vampires—but what about workplace zombies? They’re out for your brains. Here’s how to emerge unscathed.
Negative people: you either know them or you’re one of them. No two ways about it. To keep this article neutral, I’ll assume you’re not one of them. There is always (at least) one in every workplace. The worst thing about negative people is that their top priority is to infect the rest of the group with their negativity—kind of like a zombie biting normal people to create a larger group.
There is a correlation to be made between zombies and negative people at work. Think about it—they really do have a lot in common.
A zombie’s favorite delicacy is brains. A negative person at work feeds on your positivity, and tries their best to make you feel just as miserable as they do. It’s bad enough that they mouth off about how unfair their boss is to them, or how their work never gets easier, or how their efforts go unappreciated year after year.
A zombie bite turns you into a zombie. Negative people seem to go on the hunt for “normal” people, just to infect them with their pessimism. For some reason, this instinct is most powerful among the “neggies” at work. They simply will not rest until they make you feel just as badly as they do. Their sense of satisfaction when this is accomplished is both bizarre and sick.
Case in point: a person joins a new company. His salary is higher than it was at his previous workplace; he’s got better benefits, and he’s happy with his new job. In comes the typical “Bahraini Zombie™.” They corner the new employee and ask, “Why would you leave XYZ to join this dump? Didn’t you know they stopped our bonuses this year? Don’t you know that no one gets promoted?”
So, how do you fend off zombie attacks in the workplace? A headshot of a sawed-off shotgun would be nice, but it probably wouldn’t leave a good impression on your new employer. Here are a few survival tips to keep you alive and positive at work.
1- Disconnect. If the “neggies” form a group at work, try your best to keep your distance. I’m not saying you need to cut them off completely—just stay away when the negativity begins to emerge.
2- Be aware. Always be aware of what’s going on at your workplace. If a coworker starts spewing their negativity on you, either change the subject or ask them if they are actually going to take drastic measures to change their situation. Either way, you’ll have steered clear of the topics you want to avoid.
3- Don’t try to change them directly. From personal experience, I would advise bringing up the topic only once. If they don’t listen, just work hard toward maintaining your own sanity. That’s hard enough, let alone trying to change someone else.
4- Don’t try to be the beacon of hope. If standing up for a group means that you will directly benefit, then by all means, do it. If, however, the zombies have nominated you to speak for them when you’re not really affected by their negativity—then no. Let them stand up for themselves.
